I have searched and searched but haven't found an answer to this question.

My previous vehicle was a Ford Explorer and the solution for it was to take a certain relay out of the fuse box, break off a certain tab, re-install it and voila, fog lights and high beams at the same time.

If anyone can tell me where to find a wiring diagram of the E's lighting system including the fogs I'm confident I could probably figure it out. It has to be similar, the only way for it to turn the fogs off when you click the highs on is with a relay, maybe even the relay we install with the fog light kit, we can figure this out!

The simple solution is to use aftermarket lights and wire them the way you want. I did. It seems what people are wanting is best accomplished using the "parking" lights as the minimum requirement for the fogs to be on. That way they are available with parking lights, with low beams, and with high beams. And you will still get the warning tone if you leave them on when you leave your vehicle. It's not that hard, but I don't know which terminal is involved when using the factory relay. With an aftermarket job, it's a piece of cake. Somebody out there must "know" the factory scheme. It wouldn't involve breaking a terminal off - it would involve choosing the parking light circuit for the signal instead of the low beams.

So what you are thinking is that the signal to the relay is the low beams? Makes sense, when you turn on the high beams, the low beams go off, opening the relay and turning off the fogs. If the low beam is the "turn on" signal then we would need to replace it with the parking light signal. I need to install mine next week if I have some free time I will poke around with a multimeter to figure out what turns them on and what makes them turn off when we click the high beams on. Then we can make this work. If anyone has a full wiring diagram please post it, that would make this a lot easier.

I am not interested in having my fogs on with just my parking lights, all that does is make you forget to put your headlights on when it gets dark, getting you pulled over not even knowing why, happened about a month ago with my explorer.

You may be making it too complex. I don't know that there's a circuit you can identify that will include both high and low beams, but exclude parking lights only. At some point, you have to take responsibility for your own actions, and not assume any set of relays is capable of reading your mind. But someone else may know something about the Honda switch and relays that I don't. I bypassed them altogether to get what I wanted at a much more reasonable price. (It's pretty easy to tell if you've only got the fogs on after dark, assuming you've got them aimed properly.)

I'm not sure I follow...

Simply saying I don't know how to have your foglights only respond to low and high beam headlights, and not be on with parking lights alone also. There is probably a way, but it falls into the "rocket science" category for me. I am pleased to have them available with parking lights and low and high beams. Once it gets trickier than that it's out of my accustomed price range. And so are the do-it-myself solutions. Let's hope somebody else may have an answer for you.

once I have mine installed I will be able to check the things i need to check and I should have the answer for us. I don't expect it to be that big of a deal, should be similar to the way my explorer workedi'm confident I will figure it out when I get it in front of me.

Did you ever figure out a way to use the factory wiring harness?
Inquiring minds want to know. Info/Pics/etc

I installed aftermarket fogs - Cyberwhite NV-602W - and the wiring setup (modified from the original kit) allows the fogs to be on with parking lights, with low and with high beams. But if no lights are on, the fogs cannot be turned on either. The fogs go off when the ignition is turned off. I used the OEM fog light switch.
In the fuse panel under the dash there is a yellow connector. Beneath and to the left of that is an empty 3 pin connection place. Flat pins. The left pin is supposedly +12V - I didn't use that one. The middle pin is also hot, and is connected to the fog light fuse which goes to a fog relay. The right most pin of the three goes to the right most pin of the 5 pin OEM fog switch.
As a connector I used a computer power supply plug, 6 pin, cut down to 4 pin width to fit in. The three pins place on the fuse panel does not have the pins symmetrycally arranged.
With the OEM fogs, this may not be of any use. One reason, other than a steep price, that I did not want the Honda fogs was the inability to have them on other than with low beams.
Good luck.