The Pet Diary

[snowshoe]

One of my daughters sent me this:


Subject: Pets Diary

Recently found pet diaries give scientists a first time look into
the difference in dogs and cats.

As seen in a dog's diary:

8am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
10am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
11am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
3pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
4pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!
7pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
9pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

As seen in a cat's diary:

Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat
dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of
escape, and the mild satisfaction I
get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my
captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost
succeeded --must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt
to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced
myself to vomit on their favorite chair -- must try this on their
bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to
strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended
about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, this is not working according to
plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed
in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise
and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my
confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what
this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.
He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to
be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move.
Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

[Sheniferous]

lol... good times... but here's the REAL truth:


What are the qualities of a cat? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're unpredictable. They pout when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to be left alone. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere. They drive you nuts and cost you money. Conclusion: They're tiny little women in fur coats.

What are the qualities of a dog? Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half-a-block away but don't hear you when you're in the same room. They can look dumb and lovable at the same time. They growl when they're not happy. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They never have enough toys and they leave them everywhere. Conclusion: They're tiny little men in fur coats.

[Cameraman]

A dog shown kindness will think what fine people these are to look after me like this. A cat shown kindness will think how special I must be to have these people do things for me.

If my cat didn't wasn't such a great mouser, why I'd.....