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Discussion Starter #1
OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

Rock on.

http://montana.craigslist.org/cto/926508578.html



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That is seriously the best ad ever. And what a deal! MC Hammer pants to go with your four-wheeled hellcat from the Planet Kickass. That dude is awesome.
 

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Discussion Starter #3

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I'm guessing he's probably driving a "gently used" M1A1 Abrams Tank that he picked up at the Army Surplus store...

But the more important question is: Is he wearing pants now, if he's giving up the Hammer pants? Please Hammer, don't hurt 'em! :twisted:
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I'm guessing he's probably driving a "gently used" M1A1 Abrams Tank that he picked up at the Army Surplus store...

But the more important question is: Is he wearing pants now, if he's giving up the Hammer pants? Please Hammer, don't hurt 'em! :twisted:
He's so manly, the only thing he could be wearing is Lycra. "LYCRA" you ask? Yes, Lycra. It is a rare gift indeed to be able to wear Lycra and not look like a sissy. Only Real Men (tm) with massively bulging muscles, perfectly groomed bodies, and sweat that is the scent of pure Machismo and the consistency of choice medicinal brandy can it pull off successfully. The gift is so rare that any man who has been endowed with it has a moral obligation to exercise it upon every practical occasion. It's obvious that the poster of this ad has transcended fashion through sheer manliness and the gift of Lycra is his for the plundering. To him, I raise my glass and wish him the best of luck on getting to the next fashion plateau: Banana Hammock!



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Discussion Starter #7

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He's so manly, the only thing he could be wearing is Lycra. "LYCRA" you ask? Yes, Lycra. It is a rare gift indeed to be able to wear Lycra and not look like a sissy. Only Real Men (tm) with massively bulging muscles, perfectly groomed bodies, and sweat that is the scent of pure Machismo and the consistency of choice medicinal brandy can it pull off successfully. The gift is so rare that any man who has been endowed with it has a moral obligation to exercise it upon every practical occasion. It's obvious that the poster of this ad has transcended fashion through sheer manliness and the gift of Lycra is his for the plundering. To him, I raise my glass and wish him the best of luck on getting to the next fashion plateau: Banana Hammock!
Well said. I myself am not manly enough for Lycra, let alone the Banana Hammock. But I accept my limitations and feel pretty secure wearing jeans and reasonable shirts and driving my Element.

And upon further review, he probably is driving a minivan and he wrote that ad because his wife is making him give up his XTerra so that they can tote the little ones around. :razz: I laugh, because while we don't have children, my wife has vowed that we'll never own a minivan, and something along the lines of the Pilot or XTerra or Pathfinder or 4Runner will be what we consider if we need a bigger vehicle for kid hauling and dogs and whatnot.
 

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Discussion Starter #9 (Edited)
Well said. I myself am not manly enough for Lycra, let alone the Banana Hammock. But I accept my limitations and feel pretty secure wearing jeans and reasonable shirts and driving my Element.

And upon further review, he probably is driving a minivan and he wrote that ad because his wife is making him give up his XTerra so that they can tote the little ones around. :razz: I laugh, because while we don't have children, my wife has vowed that we'll never own a minivan, and something along the lines of the Pilot or XTerra or Pathfinder or 4Runner will be what we consider if we need a bigger vehicle for kid hauling and dogs and whatnot.
Funny you should mention that! I bought my first Element used from a friend of mine who sold it to get an Xterra for more power and kid/dog hauling, then sold that to get a Honda Odyssey (and a Chevy 2500HD for towing his race trailer) :lol:



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Twi-

Was that on best of? I love those!
 

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Discussion Starter #13

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My only regret is that I didn't save the pic of the pink & blue hammer pants he posted :sad:
Those things were sweet. Maybe I've got the page cached still. Let me see if I can make a PDF of the whole thing or something.
 

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Preserved for Posterity--Hammer Pants

Here are the images that went with that ad on the first page! :grin:
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Can't find cache of the pics, but I DID find another doozy:

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volvo 850 type R Yo! 850R ....Wat? PRICE LOWRD! - $3800

Reply to: s*ale-508634986*[nospam-﹫-backwards]t*si*l*sg*iarc*or*g
Date: 2007-12-13, 6:14PM PST


You know what they say, "If it ain't a type R, it ain't a tight car!" -Benjamin Franklin (impressive!!!)

1996 Volvo 850R-white with cream interior made from the beasts of Europe...prime panda scheme candidate.

Price:$$$$ALL YOUR BASE or 3800 dollars American Wtfbbqlinebreak

This baby is at 218 thousand miles now, and increasingly more miles are being driven in sport mode. (was 30k, but now its more, obviously)

Hokay, so, don't call asking about miles, because its in the ad, comments like "oh, well the miles are kinda high" will not be tolerated. This Volvo will smoke the doors off of e30 m3's in econ mode and will blow a passenger door off of e46's from a 60 roll, cause this thing is a highway monster. You'll surely be the king of streets, (no king status if your streets are run by Tokyo drifters, this is fwd)

If you want a fast car that is safe for your offspring choose this vehicle. You wife will love all the creature comforts but have no idea that the turbo 5cyl (wtf sweedes!??) is actually a large montana ranch that keeps over 240 horses.

Have you ever been to sea-fair and seen the Blue angels fly by? That is what this bad boy sounds like once you hit full boost and wastegates like whoa open up! I love this car, and have been commuting in it for a long time, but I am sick and tired of getting hit on by milfs in their sexual prime because they think I'm some suave interwebs mogul as I am rearranging my golf clubs to fit more groceries in the massive trunk (yes, you could fit a bike in it). It can also fit at least 2 red haired persons
This car has 218k miles, Wat? 218k miles 218k miles 218k miles 218k miles 218k miles 218k miles 218k miles.

Do not call asking about miles, it is stated in this ad like 9 times (less than last time), If you don't know that Volvos go to like half a million miles without maintenance than your personal savior must be modern medicine and your ignorance would have been the death of you in the middle ages. DO not call if this is you.

Although the miles seem high there is very little wrong, the work has been done by a DSM driver of who's dsm still runs, which speaks volumes more than some silly ASE certification. The marvelous Swedes designed this car, supposedly Volvos are born from space shuttles, which make them a little bit better than their retarded cousin the Saab (which was only born from jets ) I would not recommend buying this vehicle for ghostriding purposes.

Right now it has some sort of kuhmo tires, probably all seasons, which are siped for uber traction. I took out the front tweeters and put in better door speakers cause Volvo sucks at making speakers. I highly recommend coming to look at the car before you decide to lowball the crap out of me. So, I'm not gonna say OBO, cause maybe I'm not OBO, but maybe I'm thinking OBO, but who knows. This car is rad, but speaking of rads, the radiator has a freaking leak and I don't want to spend 200 bucks to get a new one. It will for sure drive to seattle without the coolant res low light coming on. Did it last weekend.

This item has been posted by-owner.
Location: Ellensburg
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests.

PostingID: 508634986



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Discussion Starter #18

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Wow- I had a friend that had those pants! :razz:
 
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