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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Oil Change instructions for Women:



1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change $20.00, Coffee $1.00, Total $21.00.



Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check
for $50.00.
2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for
$20.00, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms
in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw
kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
garbage
can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil
change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change," Drag
pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in
back
yard instead of taking it to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to liquor store; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard
along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily> patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug n
lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening
drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
1992) In the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Watch helplessly as car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent: Parts $50.00, DUI $2500.00, Impound fee $75.00, Bail
$1500.00, Beer $40.00. Total -- $4165.00
But you know the job was done right!

:lol:
 

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Man did you ever hit that one on the head!!!!! Luckily I dont have to kill myself with all that crap anymore with lifts at work LOL.
 

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I know this was meant to be funny (which it is), but there is also a dark side to it. My sister had a habit of taking her Mitsubishi Eclipse to Jiffy Lube for oil changes. One day after having her oil changed, the Mitsi expired. Upon having it towed to the nearest Mitsi dealership, she found out the nitwits at Jiffy Lube had installed a turbo engine oil filter on her non-turbo engine. The district manager for jiffy lube inspected the engine and receipt and agreed to replace her seized up motor. That faux pas set back jiffy lube profits back about $4000. My sister talked further with the Mitsi people and they told her Jiffy Lube and Wal-Mart are the worse about putting on the incorrect filters. Moral of the story - either do your own work or take it to the Honda store.
 

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My friend's wife took their brand new 35K SUV into an Auto Lube, and left on her way home (a remote stretch) her engine light came on, and she attempted to make it to the next exit.

He had planned on changing the oil, but his wife thought it was silly to work on a brand new car. Apparently the Fast Lube place stripped the Oil Pan plug and inserted a unthreaded plug (like a cork basically) and it blew out on the way home and all the engine oil was lost and her engine siezed.
I spoke with a my mechanic and he told me it's standard procedure at the Oil Change places to insert those unthreaded plugs, and he said it's pretty damn common. He said they are suppossed to notify the customer that they have used one.

Well, the Lube place denies it and my friend is making payments for a non-running vehicle and moving forward with litigation!
 

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My dealership threw in a membership to their "club" and I get free oil changes (pay for the $9 filter) for the life of the car. Can't beat that!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
A guy I used to work with went to a quicklube place in his new Mustang GT. The kid at the oil place pulls out Scott's new car leaves the car running, puts it in nuetral, forgets to set the parking brake, hops out and returns to the counter. While his back is turned Scotts car rolls back down the hill, throught the bay doors and the passenger side tires fall into the pit. They bought him a new car out of that deal.
 

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haha. i am a man
and i totally agree that u have listed might really happen
haha..too realistic..... :lol:
but funny lol :lol:
 

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Hey now, be fair. First of all coffee is free at my Valvoline oil change place. More importantly, how could anyone deform this lady's beautiful breast. Notice the perkiness of the left one! :)


Barbara Moore
December 1992

BIRTHPLACE: Spokane, Washington USA

BUST: 36"

WAIST: 24"

HIPS: 35"

HEIGHT: 5' 6"

WEIGHT:110 lbs

AMBITIONS:
To be successful, travel the world, learn new languages and have a life full of excitement.

TURN-ONS:
Sexy dressing, Harleys, intimate conversations, cooking for two, confident men and lots of attention.

TURNOFFS:
Men who have no respect for women, bad grammar, itchy clothes, lip smacking, overbearing cologne and slowpokes.

DREAM TREK:
An African safari -- pitching a tent among the zebras, elephants and lions. What a thrill to be so close to life at its wildest!

THE MAN I LOVE:
A smart, sexy businessman who can make me laugh, and who sends shivers through my body when I think about him.

NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE:
I worked the slime line at a salmon cannery.

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS:
Is to look like this forever.
 

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I've read that bit about the oil changes before and because I have a sense of humor I laugh rather than get offended. :lol:

But I will say that I'm a woman who does indeed change the oil in all my cars. I haven't gotten my Element yet but when I do I'll be changing the oil myself..Just as I do in all my cars.

With my Miata it's no easy task. Mazda took an engine that was originally transverse mounted in a Front Wheel Drive car (Protege) and turned it longitudinal for the Rear Wheel Drive Miata..so that put the oil filter right below the intake manifold and buried above the front control arm. You have to jack the car up, take off the passenger side wheel, etc, etc. It's just more time consuming than a problem. I just do it when I rotate the tires so it's no big deal. In all my other cars (two Econoline vans and before that Mustang 5.0L convertibles, Plymouth minivan, etc..) it just involves getting under the car, draining the oil, etc, etc.

I'm sorry but I can't imagine paying someone to change the oil..It's easier to just do it myself at my house. I have all the tools, floor jack, etc. Plus I use synthetic oil and don't trust some imbecile working at Jiffy Lube not to take home my expensive oil and use the cheap stuff in my car. Plus I've heard terrible tales of these guys leaving the drain plugs loose or stripping them, using the wrong filter, etc, etc. No thanks. When I do it myself it IS done right. In general I do most of the maintenance items myself..I like "bonding" with my car. 8)

So I just as soon do the oil change myself..Regardless of whether I have two X chromosomes or a Y and an X. :wink: :p
 

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[quote:cdbcff8f5c=" "]Please read line item #35.[/quote:cdbcff8f5c]

Line item #35? Might help if you'd numbered them, silly woman.
 

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35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
It was numbered K

Thought it was funny bit took me a minute to get it.
 

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[quote:2b554ad85c=" "] In all my other cars (two Econoline vans and before that Mustang 5.0L convertibles, Plymouth minivan, etc..) it just involves getting under the car, draining the oil, etc, etc.

I'm sorry but I can't imagine paying someone to change the oil..It's easier to just do it myself at my house. I have all the tools, floor jack, etc. Plus I use synthetic oil and don't trust some imbecile working at Jiffy Lube not to take home my expensive oil and use the cheap stuff in my car.
So I just as soon do the oil change myself..Regardless of whether I have two X chromosomes or a Y and an X. :wink: :p[/quote:2b554ad85c]

I like to change my own oil as well :D , I just did the Element a couple of weeks ago. I have some ramps I drive it up on then drain the pan, then make a little oil diverter with some newspaper for when I unscrew the oil filter (must be removed from underneath the car), I actually managed to catch all the oil in the tub and didn't get any on the Elements engine or suspension. I also use Mobil One synthetic, I went with 10-30 for a little protection. I highly recommend you use ramps if you go under the vehicle and not a floor jack, unless you use jack stands as well. A floor jack can move or go down while you are underneath, very bad :( You could also drive the front wheels up onto a curb for the same effect.
 

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I have jackstands and a big heavy duty Sears floor jack but if I don't have to remove the wheels on the Element I'd just as soon invest in a set of Rhino Ramps.

With my trucks and Voyager I just slide under and change the oil..no jacking up required. The Miata requires taking the wheel off so ramps aren't an option. I rotate the tires when I change the oil so it's not a big deal. I wish it I could use ramps with the Miata because the designated area on the side railing where the jack points are is starting to bend. Jacking the Miata up is a real PITA because the car is so low and if you don't use the correct place to jack it up you can damage the car.

The E sounds like my truck so it shouldn't be a problem. I keep all receipts and records of the oil changes with regards to the warranty on my Miata so I'll do the same with the Element. I've never had a problem..Then again I haven't had to use my warranty much with the Miata. Warped rotors..that was it. Hope the E treats me as well! :)
 

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hehe oldyellr that's funny.

BTW any guy assisting her might have trouble of his own :wink:

For me, Rino Ramps work really well!
 

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First of all, on a Miata, you don't have to remove the front wheel. You can reach in through the AC or brake lines (whatever they are) and get to the filter. Best is to loosen it when cold then warm up the engine to change your oil.

On the E, mine came with the filter torqued on TIGHT. I had to buy a wrench to get it off. Rhino ramps work great (as they do for the Miata). I noticed that the oil from the filter drains onto a CV joint boot which will deteriorate the rubber. It would be a good idea to protect it with aluminum foil or make sure you clean off the oil.

Chris
 

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anybody use "super guard" or equiv. type high filtration (15 - 30 microns) filters?
 
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